7-Eleven Introduces Limited Edition 34oz 'Sentencing Slurpee' to Celebrate Trump's Big Day

In a move that has delighted some and infuriated others, convenience store giant 7-Eleven has announced the release of a limited edition 34oz "Sentencing Slurpee" to coincide with former President Donald Trump's sentencing on July 11th, or 7/11 on the calendar—a date that seems almost too fitting for the occasion.

"At 7-Eleven, we believe in celebrating all of life's special moments," said CEO Joe DePinto. "Whether you're enjoying a birthday, a graduation, or the historic sentencing of a former president, we want to be part of your special day."

The "Sentencing Slurpee" comes in a striking orange color—a nod, some speculate, to the jumpsuit that may soon become part of Trump's wardrobe. The flavor, aptly named "Justice Juice," promises a unique blend of sweet and tart, much like the legal battles Trump has faced over the years. Rumor has it, the drink’s aftertaste is surprisingly bitter, much like the fallout from his presidency.

Customers have mixed reactions to the new Slurpee. "I think it's hilarious," said one shopper, laughing as they slurped down their icy beverage. "I'll definitely be getting one to toast the occasion." Others, however, find the promotion in poor taste. "This is a serious moment in our nation's history, not a marketing opportunity," one critic commented, clutching their pearls tightly.

Despite the controversy, 7-Eleven is pushing ahead with the campaign, offering special edition cups adorned with Trump's mugshot and the tagline, "Justice Served Cold." The chain is also planning a nationwide promotion where customers can get a free Sentencing Slurpee if they show up wearing an orange jumpsuit.

The news of the "Sentencing Slurpee" quickly reached Trump, who reportedly had an all-caps meltdown on Truth Social. "7-ELEVEN IS A TOTAL DISASTER! SAD! THEY SHOULD BE BOYCOTTED IMMEDIATELY! UNFAIR AND UNAMERICAN! DEGENERATE LEFTITS AT IT AGAIN!!! THIS IS A WITCH HUNT SLURPEE! I’M BEING PERSECUTED LIKE NO ONE EVER HAS BEEN!! VERY UNFAIR!!!"

So mark your calendars for 7/11, folks. Whether you're in it for the laughs, the flavor, or the sheer absurdity of it all, 7-Eleven's Sentencing Slurpee is set to be the coolest way to chill on the hottest day of Trump’s legal saga.

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Engagement Question: Will you be getting a Sentencing Slurpee on 7/11? Let us know in the comments!