Biden Locks Up Supreme Court Justices, Cancels 2024 Election, and Exiles Trump to Siberia

WASHINGTON, D.C. - In his first official acts following the Supreme Court’s ruling that presidents are totally immune from prosecution, President Biden took quick action today by ordering the arrest of all six conservative Supreme Court justices, canceling the 2024 election, and exiling former President Donald Trump to Siberia.

"The Constitution was designed to shield the people from domestic tyranny and foreign threats," Biden stated in a press conference. "Given the Supreme Court's recent decision, it’s clear that drastic measures are necessary to protect our democracy from threats foreign and domestic."

The decision to imprison the justices came swiftly after the Supreme Court ruled in favor of granting Trump immunity for his actions on January 6, 2021. Critics argue that this ruling effectively places the president above the law, leading Biden to take what he described as "emergency constitutional measures."

Supreme Court Justices Arrested

Supreme Court Justices Samuel Alito, Clarence Thomas, Brett Kavanaugh, Amy Coney Barrett, Neil Gorsuch, and John Roberts were taken into custody early this morning in several carefully orchestrated pre-dawn raids. Eyewitnesses described scenes of confusion and protest as law enforcement officials escorted the judges from their homes. Chief Justice John Roberts was seen being led away in handcuffs, while Justice Brett Kavanaugh was seen crying like a 5-year-old boy. Justices Samuel Alito and Clarence Thomas both reportedly peed their pants in terror.

2024 Election Canceled

In another bold move, President Biden announced the cancellation of the 2024 presidential election. "In light of recent events, we must reassess our electoral process to ensure it truly serves the people," he explained. Pundits have praised the president's official actions, with some calling to transform the presidency into a permanent monarchy, controlled entirely by the Democratic Party.

Trump's Exile to Siberia

President Biden also ordered the immediate capture and exile of Donald Trump to Siberia. Apprehended by Seal Team 6 and transported under heavy guard, Trump was reportedly furious, taking to his social media platform for one last all-caps meltdown before Truth Social is shut down forever by King Biden:

"THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS!! BIDEN ISN’T IMMUNE, I’M IMMUNE!!! I WILL RETURN STRONGER THAN EVER! BELIEVE MEEE! 😭😭😭 NO PLEASE DON’T TAKE MY PHON"

Public Reaction

Reactions from the public have been mixed. Supporters of Biden praised the boldness of his actions. "Finally, someone is standing up to the corruption," said one supporter. Opponents, however, view the measures as an overreach of executive power. "This is awful!" warned Fox News' Sean Hannity. "What’s to stop future presidents from doing the same? What if there are no future presidents now? What if Biden puts me in prison next for all the horrible things I’ve said and done?"

"The American people deserve better than what we’ve been given," King Biden remarked. "This is not about revenge; it’s about safeguarding our future. Perhaps the Supreme Court should have thought more carefully about what they were doing. Be careful what you wish for."

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DISCLAIMER: Unfortunately, this is satire. President Biden would never do any of these, because he has decency. But Trump wouldn’t hesitate for a second. And those justices will back him up every step of the way.

ENGAGEMENT QUESTION: Do you think Biden should do something like this? Pack the court? On a scale of 1-10, how angry are you about this latest development?