Bless The Boxer Who Knocked Jake Paul the Fuck Out

So shines a good smite in a weary world.

Dear Humans,

Lo, I know how tired you are. I am too. It’s the holidays. And in the news, everything is awful.

Evil pricks seem to get away with everything these days. That is, until they don’t. Sometimes reality remembers how to do its job.

This weekend, we all got that moment.

1. Bless Anthony Joshua

Bless boxer Anthony Joshua, who gave the world a wonderful gift for the holidays - the obliteration of toxic goblin Jake Paul.

Jake Paul suffered a broken jaw, missing teeth, and metal plates had to be put into his face. Whoops! As Pete Hagueseth says, “FAFO.”

For a few blessed moments, everything made sense again.

‘Twas a little reminder that maybe, just maybe, justice still exists.

In case thou missed it, BEHOLD THE SMITE! (to the tune of ‘Bittersweet Symphony’)

2. Why This Hits So Hard

Jake Paul built a brand on being an obnoxious scumbag. That’s why this story hits as hard as the punch that just broke his jaw.

Jake Paul has backed Trump for years. He was at the inauguration last January. He loves his batshit-crazy, racist, fascist president.

His opponent Anthony Joshua on the other hand, promotes mental health charities and spoke out in support of the Black Lives Matter protests.

So just remember, humans!!!

Sometimes things seem bleak. I get it.

But the moral arc of the universe bends towards justice…with a vicious right cross.

3. Join The Rebellion!

If today’s story stirred something in you, and you want this voice to stay loud while it still matters, this is how you help.

Today only, I’m offering 31% off, to match Donald’s approval rating.

Claim your blessing and help keep independent, fearless writing alive while it actually matters.

Now go forth, spread the memes, and remember: laughter is holy, but fixing the system is divine.

Love,

God