Dear Humans,
Lo, Trump’s idiotic trade war hath begun. Canada is fighting back HARD and in the most hilarious way possible. Oh Canada…verily ye art awesome.
1. Canada Has Had Enough Of Donald
Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has had it with Trump’s bullshit. Canada announced a 25% tariff on $155 billion worth of U.S. goods, and they’re not being shy about who will feel the pain: red states. From crude oil to lumber, Canada is hitting MAGA country where it hurts most—in their wallets.
Mr. Trudeau is 100% right, of course. This betrayal is not only pure evil, it shows the extent of the madness of King Donald. He truly does think he can make Canada the 51st state. This will never happen.
2. The Boo Heard ‘Round the World
Nothing captures the growing resentment toward Trump’s America like Canadians booing the U.S. national anthem during an NHL game in Ottawa. Known for their politeness, Canadians have reached their breaking point. The nicest people on the planet are frigging pissed off.
3. Targeting Trump’s Base Where It Hurts
Canada’s targeted tariffs are only the beginning. Here’s what’s coming for MAGA country:
Potash: Nearly 90% of U.S. potash (used in fertilizer) comes from Canada. Food prices? Prepare to skyrocket.
Lumber: Over 30% of U.S. lumber is imported from Canada. Say goodbye to affordable housing.
Oil: More than 50% of U.S. crude oil imports come from Canada. Gas prices? Through the roof.
To make matters worse, U.S. automakers are warning that Trump’s tariffs could shut down factories on both sides of the border. Red states that rely on Honda and Toyota plants will face massive job losses.
4. God’s Final Word
Oh red states, all thou hadst to do was not vote for a 34-time convicted felon. But lo, ye chose poorly, and now you shall bear the brunt of his folly.
Canada, once the most patient of neighbors, hath no fucks left to give. They have smote thee with tariffs, and still, ye refuse to see reason.
Oh look, King Dumbfuck posted this morning about it.
Canada’s response? FAFO, Hoser.
5. Join The Rebellion
Humanity is at a crossroads. Donold Trump is coming for all of us who dare to oppose him. Every corporate media network, social media app, and billionaire has bent the knee to his fascist ambitions.
We’re risking everything to stand against him and his goons, bringing truth and laughter to the fight. Your support doesn’t just keep this radical leftist podcast alive—it’s a stand for resistance, survival, and the freedom to call out miserable pricks like him.
"I support your work to help me stay sane. I love your political satire since I no longer have a country I can call my own. Never thought that I would find myself living in a freaking autocracy." — Tom
"I support as many truth tellers as I can and God is the truthiest out there!” - Angela
So if you’ve been waiting for a sign, this is it. To celebrate 8 months of smiting ignorance, we’re offering 20% off—but only until midnight tonight. Think of it as an investment in the forces of truth and satire.
Click here to claim your blessing and fight alongside us.
Now go forth, spread the memes, and remember: laughter is holy, but fixing the system is divine.
Love,
God
It sucks to live in Dumbfuckistan.
We will target everyone we can, to enlighten them to what Trump has done to your closest ally. Sorry, not sorry, it's a war and we"'ve never lost a war yet. Stay tuned; it won't be short, but we will get there. In the meantime, I'll wave to you from the shores of the Niagara River.
As I write this Kentucky is already crying over us removing Bourbon from our shelves. Our Canadian Whiskies are better anyhow.