Thou Shalt Not Mess With Canada

God bless Canada.

Dear Humans,

Lo, it is written: thou shalt not mess with Canada. In his effort to ‘own the libs,’ Donald got the Libs to own Canada. Join God as I review this hilarious turn of events.

1. The Curse of Donald

Yesterday was election day in the land of Canada. Naturally, the foul knave Donald Trump did what he does best. The fool started ranting about how Canada should "become the cherished 51st state." He couldn’t possibly have done more to hurt the Conservative party in Canada. Truly, a masterwork of stupidity. BEHOLD!

2. Witness the Great Canadian Rejection

Forsooth, the craziest part about all of this is that the Conservatives were coasting towards victory in December.

And then in January. Dictator Donald suddenly started flapping his gums about making Canada the 51st state.

Big mistake. HUGE.

The Canadian people stampeded back to the Liberals like their lives depended on it.

See that orange line? The same color as Donold? That’s the Canadian Liberal party’s poll numbers. This unrepentant moron Donald Trump literally helped Liberals pull off a miracle come-from-behind victory.

THE MIRACLE ON ICE!

3. Mark Carney Drops the Mic

When he took the stage, Mark Carney didn’t hold back. He straight up called it. Trump and his movement tried to break Canada and Canadians weren’t having it.

Carney said:

"We reject the politics of division. We reject the politics of fear. We choose hope, unity, and a future made by Canadians, for Canadians — not dictated by foreign demagogues."

Translation:
"Take your Big Macs and conspiracy theories and shove 'em, buddy."

4. God’s Final Word

Donold really thought Canadians would giddily say yes to being the 51st state. Instead, they laughed, voted Liberal, and told him to take off, ya hoser.

This is pure comedy. 10/10 from God, no notes.

Bless you, Canada!

The Lord hath spoken.

5. Join God’s Rebellion

Humanity is at a crossroads. Donold Trump is coming for all of us who dare to oppose him. Every corporate media network, social media app, and billionaire has bent the knee to his fascist ambitions.

We’re risking everything to stand against him and his goons, bringing truth and laughter to the fight. Your support doesn’t just keep this radical leftist podcast alive—it’s a stand for resistance, survival, and the freedom to call out miserable pricks like him.

• "I need a laugh or I will go crazy. Plus, I support media not owned by any corporation. God is great." - Gina

• "How are you able to make me laugh and inform me at the same time, with every post and podcast? I finally admitted I need to give you money because I read everything you post." — Nancy M

So if you’ve been waiting for a sign, this is it. To celebrate 11 months of smiting ignorance, we’re offering 20% off—but only until midnight tonight. Think of it as an investment in the forces of truth and satire.

Click here to claim your blessing and fight alongside us.

Now go forth, spread the memes, and remember: laughter is holy, but fixing the system is divine.

Love,

God