Cult Leader Bankrupts Cult
Cult members sad.
Dear Humans,
Turns out the cult dues weren’t optional. The tariffs hit, the markets tanked, and now the faithful are crying into their crypto wallets while the billionaires beg for mercy. It’s beautiful. Let’s take a look.
1. Cult Members Sad. Very Sad.
This MAGA influencer is literally saying “the tariffs got me f***ed up.”
Oh no, bro. You were fine with the tariffs when they hurt other people. Another pro-Trump influencer named ‘Dave Portnoy,’ which sounds made-up, has also been going viral for telling everyone how much money he’s losing.
I warned ye. I literally put it in a book. But sure, tell me more about your grief, oh chosen disciple of Donold.
2. Even Elon Can’t Save You Now
Elon wore the stupid hat. Elon kissed the ring. Elon told everyone Trump was a genius. And when he finally realized the tariffs were tanking Tesla, he ran crying to Daddy Donold who totally ignored him. Looks like someone hath worn out their welcome already.
3. Fall Of The Broligarchy
Bill Ackman is confused.
Koch and Leo are suing.
The megadonors are all asking, “Why is he doing this to us?”
Forsooth! If only someone had tried to warn them!
4. The Tide is Turning
Verily, these fiends never cared when the pain was falling on someone else. Not when it was families getting deported, or workers losing jobs, or kids going hungry. But now that they’re watching their own money disappear, suddenly it’s a tragedy. Suddenly they’re confused. They shalt sit down, shut the fuck up, and reckon with the evil they have done.
As for the rest of you: keep your eyes open, your heart strong, and your soul stubborn. The truth still matters, and the tide is turning.
5. Your Reviews Of God Are In
Verily, God sucketh at self-promotion, so I’ll let our readers speak for Me.
Here’s what people are saying:
“I support your work because you are willing to talk about what is happening before our eyes with compassion and a well-seasoned sense of the freaking absurdity of it all. You genuinely care.” — Laura
"You make me laugh in the midst of rage!" - Holly
"You remind me of what a defensible God would be." - Catherine
"I support your work because it cheers me up." - Selma
“This makes me laugh when the world feels like it’s crumbling around me.” — Kate
“We the people are pissed and God’s words are what we need. We must stand together, or hang separately.” — Dave
So if you need a sign, let this be it.
Help us fucking fight these fascists:
Thank you for thy reviews, humans.
Your words reach Me. And they keep Me going. Even God needs that sometimes.
Love,
God
My husband just said, "Rethuglicans are going to be so broke that they will have to rent the libs instead of owning them."
I remember when I had to look up the term FAFO. I thought wow what a good acronym.
The cult part of MAGA will never leave Trump. Because they’re a cult. The more the, I will call them republican MAGAs, hurt, the sooner we will get somewhere. They have to get burnt enough to learn a lesson. But my oh my, do I feel sorry for the innocents who are suffering because of their stupidity. I personally have no idea how much I’ve lost because frankly, I’m afraid to look.