Cybertruck Owners Are Freaking Out Because It Loses $35K Over 6,000 Miles

FAFO.

Dear Humans,

Elon’s big ugly triangle is officially a financial death trap. Tesla’s own numbers prove the Cybertruck is less a vehicle and more a $100K humiliation machine.

1. The Flop Heard Round the Parking Lot

Tesla just admitted it has $800 million worth of unsold Cybertrucks rotting in parking lots like stainless steel tombstones. And now, they’ve quietly started accepting trade-ins. The results are catastrophic.

One owner, Vin from New Jersey, paid over $100K for a Foundation Series Cybertruck and got a trade-in offer of $65,400 after just 6,200 miles. That’s a $35K loss in under a year. Or, as I like to measure it, $5.60 per mile to drive something that looks like a war crime against geometry. At that rate, it becomes completely worthless after what, 17,000 miles? LOL.

And yet, they are still coping.

“Good thing I plan on driving mine until I die,” wrote one owner.
“Same,” replied another. “Plus I’m gonna see if I can reincarnate as the next owner so I can maximize my ROI.”

Many have taken to trying to rebrand their cars to hide their shame. But the Cybertruck is just too ugly, my dude.

Carvana is offering as little as $49,000 for a clean-title Cybertruck with under 10,000 miles. That’s 51 percent depreciation in less than a year. The only upside is that they will be saddled with these Cybertruck Scarlet Letters for the rest of their lives. Everywhere they go, for the rest of their miserable lives, children will point and laugh at them and say:

“Oh my god, what is that thing?”

2. God’s Final Word

Lo, the market hath spoken. Cybertruck is a flop of biblical proportions. And still, the faithful cling to it, praying the resale value will rise again on the third fiscal quarter.

It won’t. And don’t try to pretend you didn’t know who Elon was when you bought it either, Cybertruck owners!

He was already full mask off when he unleashed the Cybertruck abomination onto the world. Enjoy being mocked and reviled everywhere you go as you drive your giant shitbox in this life…and the next!

SMITE!

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Love,

God

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