Donald Trump Will Die Someday

These days will end.

Dear Humans,

Contemptible criminal Donald Trump wants a national holiday for his birthday. A sacred day, perhaps, when his followers can genuflect before cardboard cutouts of their cult leader and eat Trump Steaks in solemn silence. He’s basically asking to be Saint Donnie of Dunkin’.

This year, he’s going even further. The vile, gelatinous cretin wants over 6,600 soldiers, 150 military vehicles, 50 helicopters, and seven Army bands to march in his honor. He wants a military parade from Arlington National Cemetery to the National Mall, all to celebrate his 79th birthday.

The draft-dodger who once skipped a ceremony at Arlington because it was raining now wants to commandeer Arlington National Cemetery as the starting line for his personal fascist birthday parade.

The same place where his team physically assaulted a cemetery worker during the 2024 campaign. He defiled that sacred ground once, and now he wants to use it again as a prop for his ego.

The cost? Upwards of $90 million, based on past estimates.

All so he can watch tanks roll through D.C. and pretend he’s the god-emperor of America while veterans go without care and children starve. He calls this ‘government efficiency.’

Why does he want a big parade for his 79th birthday? Because the big baby knows the truth. Despite the lies his doctors will tell you, he’s not in the best of health. He knows what he said about Biden. And now it’s his turn to hit the wall of time.

He’s almost 80. His dementia is only getting worse. He will die someday. He knows it. Probably sooner than later.

And it terrifies him.

That is why he clings to this cult. That is why he wants statues, songs, and a birthday on the national calendar. He wants to stay in your mind long after he is rotting in the ground. He wants to hurt good people from beyond the grave.

BUT LO, HERE IS THE GOD’S HONEST TRUTH!

All tyrants die. Mussolini. Hitler. Franco. Stalin. Kim Jong-il. Every one of them died. And for all their power, none of them got what they really wanted. Not one of them escaped death. Even popes die.

Death comes to us all.

You can wrap yourself in flags. You can sell China-made Bibles with your name on them. You can post Photoshops of yourself as the Pope, all whilst pretending not to know what a photoshop is. But you cannot outrun time. Sooner or later, God’s gonna run you down.

Someday he will fall silent. And the world will keep turning.

Eventually, even his most loyal followers will wake up and realize they were worshipping a bloated con man with a fake tan and a hole where his soul should be. And all that will be left is JD Vance or Marco Rubio to lead them.

What could be worse than that?

The Lord hath spoken.

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