Donold Loses It Over Flags At Half-Staff On His Inauguration Day

"The final gift to America from Jimmy Carter."

Dearest Human,

BEHOLD! Something hilariously glorious hath happened. Donold is losing his mind over flags being at half-staff on his Inauguration Day, due to the passing of Democratic president Jimmy Carter. The timing? Divine perfection.

1. Donold’s Big Day Is Ruined LOL

As I wrote this week, Jimmy Carter passed at the perfect time to send one last middle finger to Donold. By tradition, flags are lowered for 30 days after a president dies. Sure, it might not be an ideal situation for him, but honestly, who gives a shit? Any adult could handle this minor inconvenience. or use it to honor him. But Donold? Nope. Of course not. He is pure evil. He doesn’t want to be compared to Jimmy.

2. God Smites The Bastard

I don’t usually do this, but Donold’s tantrum demands a divine rebuttal.

• It’s half-staff, not half-mast, you dolt. Half-mast is for ships. You’re not a vessel, though thou art most certainly full of shit.

• This isn’t about Democrats “only thinking about themselves.” It’s about tradition. Flags go down to honor a former president—not to accommodate your fragile ego. Jimmy Carter deserves this respect, even if you don’t.

• Yes, this is the first time in history flags will be at half-staff during an inauguration. Isn’t that glorious? You’re making history, Donold—the man-child who couldn’t handle a flag being lowered a few feet.

• “Let’s see how it plays out” = Donold is trying to get the flags raised for himself, dishonoring Jimmy’s memory.

3. Conservatives Walk Away from Donold

Even your loyal minions are turning on you. Over on Reddit, conservatives are venting their frustrations. One commenter nailed it:

"This isn’t even a country anymore—just an economic zone to be exploited."

When even MAGA diehards start sounding like disillusioned progressives, you know the wheels are coming off.

4. Washington Post Censors Cartoonist, So She Quits!

Cartoonist Ann Telnaes drew a brilliant cartoon skewering tech billionaires bowing to Donold. It’s sharp, it’s accurate, and apparently, it’s too much for the Washington Post, which rejected it on content grounds. And if they’re censoring cartoons, what else will they censor? What news will they share and what will they omit? Democracy dies in darkness, remember??!?

This is what the billionaires don’t want you to see: a group of tech bros kneeling at the feet of a wannabe dictator. Telnaes quit over this blatant censorship…and good for her!! Someone needs to have a backbone when everyone else is busy kissing the ring.

Ann Telnaes

5. Join The Rebellion

Billionaires are silencing dissent, censoring artists, and bending the knee to fascists like Donold. They want to silence all criticism. Corporate media has bent the knee. Independent media is all we have left. The stakes couldn’t be higher.

So if you’ve enjoyed today’s righteous reckoning, or if you’ve been waiting for a sign, this is it. Upgrade your subscription today at 20% off before the sale ends tonight. It’s a small step, but it helps keep our satire and cartooning alive and the truth in the spotlight.

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Now go forth, spread the memes, and remember: laughter is holy, but fixing the system is divine.

Love,

God