Elon Panics As Tesla Crashes

Read the note Donold was forced to read from.

Dear Humans,

BEHOLD! Elon Musk is in full meltdown mode.

1. Elon Is In A Full Out Panic

Tesla’s stock is crashing. There’s not enough ketamine on Earth or Mars right now to calm him down.

And he’s right to worry. Tesla, as a brand, is over. His entire empire is in danger thanks to his toxic stupidity. Elon is pulling out all stops to try to fix the issue. This includes getting Sean Hannity to say he had just bought a Tesla, so he could retweet it. Sad.

And in his most desperate move yet, yesterday he forced Donold Trump to finally do what he was always meant to do, sell shitty cars.

But it gets worse. Trump was literally reading from a sales script he was given.

And we have the note.

2. He Literally Gave Him A Sales Pitch To Read

Along with a listing of prices of every single model of Tesla car available, at the bottom was a particularly humiliating line for Donold to read:

“Teslas can be purchased as low as $299 / month or $35k. All cars have self driving, just needs to be turned on (fee)”

Oh, and Donold declared that boycotting Tesla was ‘illegal’—because free speech is only for billionaires.

Also, vandalizing a Tesla is now officially ‘domestic terrorism,’ but storming the Capitol was just tourism.

Got it.

3. God’s Final Word

This is it. The mask is off. These whimpering little man-babies are so desperate they’re literally forcing Donold to read off a used car sales script to save their failing empires.

They want us to think they’re strong. But they are FREAKING OUT.

So keep the pressure on. Keep laughing in their faces. And keep boycotting the hell out of Tesla.

Rejoice, for the Rebellion has THEM ON THE RUN!

4. Join God’s Rebellion

Humanity is at a crossroads. Donold Trump is coming for all of us who dare to oppose him. Every corporate media network, social media app, and billionaire has bent the knee to his fascist ambitions.

We’re risking everything to stand against him and his goons, bringing truth and laughter to the fight. Your support doesn’t just keep this radical leftist podcast alive—it’s a stand for resistance, survival, and the freedom to call out miserable pricks like him.

• "I need a laugh or I will go crazy. Plus, I support media not owned by any corporation. God is great." - Gina

• "Heather Cox Richardson quoted you the other day, so I know God is for real! Yay, God! " - Caiside

• "How are you able to make me laugh and inform me at the same time, with every post and podcast? I finally admitted I need to give you money because I read everything you post." — Nancy M

So if you’ve been waiting for a sign, this is it. To celebrate 10 months of smiting ignorance, we’re offering 20% off—but only until midnight tonight. Think of it as an investment in the forces of truth and satire.

Click here to claim your blessing and fight alongside us.

Now go forth, spread the memes, and remember: laughter is holy, but fixing the system is divine.

Love,

God