God Says He May Or May Not Have Told Orcas To Sink Yachts

HEAVEN - God refused to confirm nor deny today that he has been personally instructing orca ‘killer whales’ to sink yachts in the Gibraltar Straight between Spain and Morocco.

“Who me? Why ever would you think that I would be behind this?” said a visibly anxious Creator. “Why don’t you go and ask Poseidon about it? The seas are his deal.”

Citing his concern over inter-dimensional prosecution, God kept getting up to check the clouds outside through the blinds in his living room window. 

“You never know when Interpol might show up,” said God, packing a to-go bag. “If they think I’m the one behind this, I’m done for.”

According to authorities, there have been nearly 700 encounters since orca attacks on ships in the region were first reported in May 2020.

“Do you think Jesus likes the rich? HUH?” said an angry God. “And do you think he likes them owning yachts? What’s the point of walking on water if these greedy pricks can just buy their way into it?”

Researchers are unsure about the causes for this behavior, with leading theories including it being a playful game for the mammals, a social fad or the intentional targeting of the wealthy by a vengeful God. 

“Listen, just listen,” said God, pausing to take a huge bong rip. “I may, or may not have told them to sink these yachts…but I certainly would never admit to it.”