Moron Begs Cult Leader for Help from Tariffs

“I’m one of your people.”

Dear Humans,

Lo, this man only wanted to play a guitar. A beautiful handmade one from the United Kingdom. But alas, he chose poorly. Not the guitar. The president.

1. The Face-Eating Guitar Tax

Behold: a U.S. Army veteran, proud American, singer-songwriter... who just got smacked with a $1,900 tariff while trying to import a British guitar.

Why? Because Trump’s “China tariffs” were written so sloppily they now apply to guitars from the UK. And in his time of need, the man turned to his cult leader conman to save him.

He tagged Trump and said, “Please fix this. I’m one of your people.”
I say unto thee: bruh.

2. Thou Didst Reap What Thou Voted

This is what happens when thou cast thy ballot not with wisdom, but with spite. When ye kneel before a man who thinks tariffs are spells and trade is witchcraft. He put tariffs on penguins, forgot, and then bragged about it. He’s not going to save you.

You wore the hat. You’re “one of his people.” Now cry into your guitar whilst playing ‘I’m Proud to Be an American.’

3. Join God's Rebellion

Good people everywhere like us are finding their voices, standing up tall, and learning how to fight back. In just a few months, we’ve grown from 73,000 to 133,000 subscribers. That’s 60,000 new wonderful angels who refuse to stay silent. Every day, more people are joining this rebellion.

• "Heather Cox Richardson quoted you the other day, so I know God is for real! Yay, God! " - Caiside

• "We the people are pissed and God's words are what we need, and have always needed, in these dire times. We must stand together, or hang separately." - Dave

If you haven’t joined yet, help us fucking fight these bastards! In honor of THE FALL OF THE MAD KING DONOLD, Letters from God is offering a 20% discount for paid subscribers (ends tonight):

Stay awesome, humans!

Love,

God