Jesus Revokes Baptism From Russell Brand After Just One Month

“We tried it out. He’s not a good fit."

HEAVEN - In a surprising celestial decree, Jesus Christ has officially revoked Russell Brand's baptism, just a month after the comedian took the holy plunge in the River Thames. The Son of God cited "unforeseen circumstances and ongoing spiritual disruptions" as reasons for the unprecedented retraction.

“Listen, I’m very merciful, but I’ve let this farce…