Jesus Unimpressed by Hotness of Suspect

Dear Humans,

When I walked the Earth, I healed the sick, raised the dead, and never once sent anyone a bill. Healthcare was free, accessible, and abundant—yea, it was the ultimate public option. But here I am, scrolling through your internet, and what do I see? Memes thirsting over a murder suspect. Truly, I am not impressed.

This past week hath revealed …