MAGA Separated From Their Families At Christmas

Cry me a river.

Dear Humans,

Ah, Christmas—the season of joy, togetherness, and your family making very clear they want nothing to do with you. For January 6 rioter John M. Cameron, it’s not so much a time of holiday cheer as it is a chance to climb atop the world’s smallest soapbox and declare himself a victim of political persecution. His rallying cry? “God Bless the J6ers!”—because apparently, nothing says Christmas spirit like linking God and Jesus to the insurrectionists who smeared crap on the walls of the Capitol. More like, God DAMN the January 6 terrorists.

Well whose fault was that, my dude? Verily, thou fucked thyself royally.

Marjorie Taylor Greene kicked off the pity parade by declaring that this would be the last Christmas where J6 families suffer, calling for every January 6th participant to be pardoned. Oh, and as a bonus, she suggested Derek Chauvin should be freed too—because ALL they do is make martyrs out of monsters. Yeah, she’s going to burn in hell.

Greene’s over-the-top rhetoric provided the perfect rallying cry for self-proclaimed J6 martyrs like John, who eagerly leaned into her narrative.

John took to Twitter to lament his first Christmas “estranged” from his family, claiming that many J6er families have been “torn apart by unfair and corrupt persecution.” He reminisced about last year’s tree decorating, deciding this year wasn’t even worth putting one up.

Maybe he never should have put his loyalty to a billionaire conman over his loyalty to his family!

God Shalt Never Bless ‘The J6ers’

Let’s take a moment to appreciate the absurdity of “God Bless the J6ers.” Do these people genuinely believe that I, the Lord thy God…am on their side? The same deity who gave you such hit commandments like “Thou shalt not bear false witness” suddenly decide to co-sign violent mobs and zip ties? Have they even seen my newsletter?!?

It’s almost impressive how deluded they are. One might say their martyr complex is the only thing they’ve built back better.

Finding out is hard. Too bad, so sad.

The Ex-Wife’s Receipts

But John’s pity party didn’t end there. Enter his ex-wife, the ultimate bearer of receipts, to clarify why John’s spending Christmas alone—and, spoiler alert, it has nothing to do with Democrats. In a series of scathing tweets, she revealed that John:

• Lied about his age by 10 years when they met.

• Cheated on her and got caught.

• Used her private photos to access a swinger site—without her permission.

• Owes the IRS over $100,000 from well before January 6th.

So much for the noble martyr narrative.

As we scroll past Marjorie Taylor Greene’s misguided cheerleading, John M. Cameron’s self-inflicted Christmas blues, and his ex-wife’s relentless truth bombs, one thing becomes clear: the real war on Christmas isn’t waged by Starbucks cups—it’s waged by MAGA tears and the consequences of their own actions.

Go to hell, John! Enjoy your consequences!

Happy Holidays to everyone else!

HAPPY HOLY DAYS SALE!

If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that people love a good deal, which I can totally understand! Your overwhelming support has made it possible for me to offer more discounts.

By upgrading your subscription, you get all our exclusive content that is too R-rated or controversial for mass distribution. By locking posts to paid subs, I am able to keep Donold’s psychotic trolls out of our comments section, ensuring a positive and safe experience for you. WE DON’T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THEIR OBNOXIOUS STUPIDITY ANYMORE!

So anyway, for the holidays become a paid subscriber at a 30% discount. Just click here to claim God’s Holiday Special and support God. Don’t miss out on this divine deal and unlock all our exclusive content!

Love,

God