RFK Jr. Names Brain Worm As Running Mate

Brainy’s selection is being hailed as a smart move by the NY Times editorial board.

Independent presidential candidate Robert F. Kenney Jr. named a parasitic brain worm he only refers to as ‘Brainy’ as his running mate Tuesday at a rally in Oakland, California.

“A worm ... got into my brain and ate a portion of it and then died. In honor of that worm, I’m so proud to introduce you to the next vice president of the United States, this little parasitic worm I call Brainy,” Kennedy said.

Brainy’s selection is being hailed as a smart move by the NY Times editorial board.

“Mr. Kennedy has worms for brains. Here’s why that’s bad news for Biden.”  

RFK Jr.’s campaign has severed ties with its previous VP pick, tech entrepreneur Nicole Shanahan, who is reportedly not happy about the news.

Brainy’s selection will accelerate Kennedy’s attention in the public sphere. RFK Jr.’s brain worm story has burrowed inside the American consciousness and brought attention to a health issue that affects over a billion people worldwide.

“I don’t know why everyone is making jokes about this!” said an agitated RFK Jr. fan at the rally. “Brain worms are a very serious issue. Everyone I know who supports RFK has had them at one point or another. Me have five right now!”

In a statement to the press via a micro-microphone, Brainy only said this:

“Glerrrrrbb blaaaaa chismmm,” which, loosely translated from Wormese, means, “Please no, don’t make me go into his brain. My father died in there from starvation.”

RFK Jr. has seen a bump in the polls from the move, especially amongst those members of the population who also have worms for brains. Brainy will be interviewed on the Joe Rogan podcast next week.