The Obamas Trolled Donold So Hard...SMITE!

Dear Humans,

Night 2 of the DNC is in the books, and lo, it was another incredible night. At past Democratic Conventions, when they’ve done the roll call of states, it hath been a tedious affair. But NOT THIS YEAR! Instead, we got a fun multimedia show. Did the song they chose for thy state bring thee joy?

Kamala’s husband, Doug Emhoff, gave a stirring speech, sharing the tale of his life and how he came to meet Kamala. Verily, he did a great job!

MICHELLE OBAMA GOES HIGH…FOR THE HEAD

And then came Michelle Obama. The place went wild. Not only did she inspire the multitudes, but she also didst verbally smite Donold, to the great delight of all. She is known for saying, "When they go low, we go high." But now, I finally understand what she always meant—when they go low, thou goest high...FOR THE HEAD!

So when they sweep the leg, thou must perform the crane kick that Mr. Miyagi spent six weeks training thee to do, and strike that cheating MAGA knave Johnny Lawrence with one swift blow to the dome.

Here are my favorite Michelle Obama quotes from last night:

“We will never benefit from the affirmative action of generational wealth,” she said. “If we bankrupt a business, or choke in a crisis, we don’t get a second, third, or fourth chance.”

AMEN!

"For years, Donald Trump did everything in his power to try to make people fear us. See, his limited, narrow view of the world made him feel threatened by the existence of two hard-working, highly educated successful people who happened to be Black.”

Exactly, he is clearly a racist and always hath been.

"Who’s going to tell him that the job he’s currently seeking might just be one of those 'Black jobs'?"

HAHA holy shit! God heard this joke and saw that it was good.

BARACK OBAMA MOCKS DONALD’S CROWD (PENIS?) ENVY

Michelle and Barack Obama were so good last night, it made everyone realize how much we miss them. Verily, they were brilliant. But my absolute favorite moment of the night belonged to Barack.

“There’s the childish nicknames…the crazy conspiracy theories…this weird obsession with crowd sizes.”

He then looked down at his hands, which were clearly measuring Donold’s small, pathetic little schlong.

Obama hath never been funnier. It honestly gave me more hope than anything else he’s ever said. But that might just be a Me thing.

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THE LORD HAS SPOKEN!