Thou Shalt Not Declare War To Distract From The Epstein Files
It's beginning to look like a war on Christmas…
Dear Humans,
Last night, the President of the United States posted an unhinged rant about Venezuela in which he mentioned oil five separate times and spoke as if the United States somehow owns this nation’s land and resources.
From the same people who whined for years about a fake “war on Christmas” now comes the real thing: a war…on Christmas!
1. This Is the Distraction
VERILY, what the hell is this fucking lunatic talking about?!? First, the USA has never owned any land in Venezuela, at any point in history, nor has Venezuela stolen any land or oil from the United States. This is MADNESS. 25th amendment now! Thou must impeach this insane imbecile!!
It’s like in the buildup to the release of the Epstein files on Friday, he has to outdo himself every day this week in his futile attempt to distract us all from his many crimes and failures. At this point, we are all quite used to the routine.
President Criminal has been covering up the truth all year like it’s that purple splotch on his bruised right hand. To close out the year with a bang, it’s clear to everyone by now that Donold will go to extremes to cover up the Epstein Files. This includes starting a war in South America just in time for Christmas.
This just might be the most fucked-up holiday season ever. Santa is pissed. As am I.
And once he’s started a war, Mad King Donold will claim that, in the interest of national security, the Epstein files must be delayed.
He has a speech from the Oval Office scheduled for tonight. That’s often where a president might announce a military engagement of some kind.
2. The Trump White House Is Imploding
Here’s why his distractions keep getting louder and more batshit crazy.
His numbers are collapsing. He was sitting at 37% last month and now he’s down to 31%, and that drop didn’t come from a scandal cycle or a bad headline.
It came from the simplest thing in the world: people cannot afford to eat. His own voters cannot afford food. The affordability crisis is very real.
Meanwhile, Donold is telling people that kids don’t need 37 pencils or 37 dolls, they can get by with one or two.
One doll? Two pencils?! As usual, Trump said ‘fuck them kids.’
And at the same time the public is feeling it in their bodies, the palace is feeling it in their bones. His own Chief of Staff just went on the record saying he has “the personality of an alcoholic,” and admitted she’s read the Epstein files…and that he’s in them.
That’s why this moment feels different. Both the public and the court are turning on him at the same time. He lost people’s hearts and minds…and their stomachs, too.
Thou shalt not declare war to distract from the Epstein files! It won’t work, you prick.
Donold, you will get what is coming to you, you evil bastard.
No matter what you do, no matter how hard you squirm…
The truth.
The truth is coming.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls.
It tolls for thee.
3. Take 31% Off Today To Match Trump’s Approval Rating
If today’s story hit you hard, if you’re tired of being gaslit into silence, this is how you help keep this voice loud while it still matters.
Today only, I’m offering 31% off, to match Donald’s approval rating.
Claim your blessing and help keep independent, fearless writing alive while it actually matters.
Now go forth, spread the memes, and remember: laughter is holy, but fixing the system is divine.
Love,
God
He is a raving lunatic. And now we're going to be dragged into a pointless war. He's going to cost even more lives. When are the Republicans going to grow a backbone and remove him?
If only we could rely on CONGRESS to DO SOMETHING. My only Christmas wish.