Thou Shalt Not Freak Out Over Drag Queens at the Olympics—It’s Not the Last Supper

By Jesus Christ

Dear Humans,

It’s me, Jesus. I’ve been seeing a lot of rage about the drag queens and LGBTQ+ inclusion at the Olympics opening ceremony and, well, I’ve got a few things to say.

First off, let's get something straight: The scene causing all this fuss CLEARLY isn’t the Last Supper. It’s an ancient Greek Bacchanal. Who do you think the blue guy is? Me? LOL. That’s Dionysus, not me. We’re best buds. He loves being my friend ‘cuz I have an endless supply of wine. I love being his friend ‘cuz man, does that guy know how to party! We go together like peanut butter and jelly.

And that headless woman? That’s Marie Antoinette, who was a wealthy person who didn’t care about the poor. Reminds me of Donald.

And that figure on the pale horse? Not Death. It’s Sequana, the Goddess of the Seine, symbolizing the Olympic spirit. She’s not here to start the apocalypse. She’s simply celebrating Paris and the Olympics. Maybe if these weirdos had any level of media comprehension, they would know this. But sadly, due to the defunding of education, 54% of Americans read below the equivalent of a sixth-grade level.

Now, about the drag queens. I might be gay but let’s get one thing VERY STRAIGHT: I would have totally eaten with drag queens. I love all my children. Drag queens, LGBTQ+ people, everyone deserves a place at the table. And by the way, even if that tableau WAS the Last Supper (it’s not), it wouldn’t matter. We are all allowed to critique and create art about whatever we want. Art is about expression and inclusion, not exclusion. And if you think the French are not gonna do some art and expression, well then I bet you need to wear a pail around your neck to catch all the drool that falls out of your mouth.

For those freaking out and shouting, “EVERYTHING I DON’T LIKE IS THE DEVIL!!”, it’s time to calm down. Boycott the Olympics if you want. Nobody cares. It’s like you don’t even exist. We don’t think about you at all.

So, to sum it up:

• Dionysus, not me.

• Marie Antoinette, not a saint.

• Sequana, not Death.

• Drag queens, definitely belong.

Remember, my message has always been about love and acceptance. So let’s spread some love and enjoy the fabulousness that drag queens bring to the world stage.

Peace, love, and a fabulous Olympics to all!

Jesus

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On a scale of 1 to 100, how do you feel about the backlash against drag queens at the Olympics? (1 = Totally Justified, 100 = Completely Overblown)