Tim Walz Is What I Was Hoping For When I Gave Men Free Will

You ever just look upon something and see that it is good?

I love doing that. Like when I made the planet, I looked upon it and saw that it was good. Look it up. It’s in the Bible.

Well, I recently fell in love with a man. His name is Tim and he’s from Minnesota. I look upon him and just sigh with contentment. I see that he is good.

Forsooth, I often develop extreme crushes on humans. The Bible is full of stories of my crushes on guys such as Abraham, Moses, and David. Probably a bunch more one-verse stans I can’t remember right now. Anyway, none of those guys compare to Tim. I haven’t swooned like this since Mr. Rogers. Anyway, just had to get that off My chest. Please don’t judge God.

CELINE DION SMITES DONOLD

Holy shit, even the LORD thy God gasped at the end.

HAHAHA…verily…hahaha….get his ass, Celine.

In other news, right wing weirdos were infuriated after seeing a photo of Joe Biden on the beach in the middle of August.

HYPOCRITES! These same fools never once had a problem with Donold golfing for half of his entire presidency. Yeah, they can burn in Hell.

I’m happy for Joe. You’ve earned a nap, buddy. He recently brought a number of prisoners home and Kamala is up 4 points. Meanwhile Donold is melting and going through severe narcissistic mortification. It’s pure karma-la.

WE’RE NOT GOING BACK, ME-DAMMIT

I’ve spent a goodly amount of time in God’s Divine Newsletter mocking Donold “Satan’s Anus” Chump, but I thought it would be nice today to discuss the latest Harris / Walz rally.

If you didn’t catch it, here it is. I’ve selected some highlights below with my commentary.

THIS.

Walz: Things work best when you mind your own damn business. I don't need any help from those guys telling me which books to read. I'm sure the heck do not need any lecture about morality from those guys.

Seriously! Donold is not in a position to lecture ANYONE on morality. And I do mean ANYONE. He’s in the running for most immoral man alive, worldwide.

Crowd: We’re not going back! We’re not going back!

Walz: That’s damn right. Damn right! We’re not going back!

I love that Tim Walz is not afraid to say the word ‘damn.’ For verily, 'tis time to cease clutching thine pearls, America.

Walz on Project 2025: But look, I coached football for enough years. When somebody draws up a playbook, they plan on using it, and when they do, they will restrict our freedoms.

This is a brilliant comparison that will connect with many dudes who love football and might be on the fence.

VP: Think about that. Two middle-class kids, one a daughter of Oakland who was raised by a working mother. The other, a son of the Nebraska plains, who grew up working on a farm. Only in America is it possible that the two of them would be running together all the way to The White House.

This is a wonderful thing to think about. Kamala even worked at McDonald’s in college.

Laurence is right. It might not sound like a big deal, but it is. How many former presidents do you think have ever worked at McDonald’s? Or waited tables? Or how about been a teacher? Any?

VP: As Attorney General, I held Wall Street banks accountable for fraud. Well…

I loved this moment. Obviously she is up against that massive fraud Donold in the election, but after Kamala wins, I sincerely hope she goes after all the billionaire criminals colluding to control the nation.

Those rich pricks have the power to raise prices on everything. They buy up media companies and spread misinformation. They buy up politicians and governments. They are a clear and present danger.

I can’t wait to smite their asses.

Here it is, your moment of Bliss:

Don’t forget to leave a like and a comment with your thoughts on all this, so that our post can get engagement, because God is like Tinkerbell (or Jeb Bush) and needs you to ‘please clap’ to continue to exist.

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