Top Ten Ways To Celebrate US Democracy This 4th of July

10. Scream Into the Void: Vent your frustrations by yelling into the nearest empty field or forest. If none are available, your pillow. No pillow? Scream wherever you want. Freedom of scream, right?

9. Middle Finger Fireworks: Show Uncle Sam how you feel about the latest Supreme Court ruling by giving fireworks the middle finger. However, remember that fireworks hate fingers. Play safe, kids.

8. Funeral Fashion Show: Wear your finest funeral attire to the fireworks show. Extra points for sobbing and screaming into the void in public. Mourning America has never been so chic.

7. Raise a Ridiculous Flag Like Crazy Martha-Ann Alito: Express your dismay and temporary insanity to your neighbors. Have a ridiculous oversized McLovin’ flag? Go ahead and hoist it all the way up today. Who cares? Democracy is Dead.

6. Backwards Pledge of Allegiance: Recite the pledge backwards to undo all those childhood pledges. You weren’t old enough to pledge allegiance when you were five anyway.

5. Dystopian Movie Marathon: Prepare for the future with "The Handmaid’s Tale" and "1984." Don’t forget “Fallout” – its tips might be handy next year.

4. Patriotic Profanity Parade: Find a parade. Ideally, get on a float. Announce that Democracy is dead thanks to SCROTUS. Explain the parade’s poor taste as you go.

3. Royal Re-enactment: Dress as George III, crash a fireworks show, and announce your Republican presidential bid. It’s bound to be a hit.

2. Stay Home: Just ignore all the celebrating. What is there to celebrate? Use the day to catch up on shows and try to escape from the Christian Nationalist hell-scape that is modern America. 

1. Make Sure You’re Registered to Vote: Check your registration, find your polling place, and make plans to bring a friend. The best way to tell SCROTUS to shove it.

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Question: How are you feeling and how will you spend this 4th of July?