Everybody Hates Elon

Officials are annoyed.

Dear Humans,

God hath seen new reports out of the White House that make one thing very clear: Everyone hates Elon Musk. Everyone.

“the most irritating person I’ve ever had to deal with.”

1. “Top Secret!!”

The vile cretin Elon Musk, who bought his way into the White House, recently came to a cabinet meeting and wrote “Top Secret!!” on his notepad for all the world to see. Just the richest man on the planet, reminding himself in giant letters not to tweet out what he hears at this meeting.

2. “He’s Not Funny. Like, At All.”

Behind the scenes, Trump’s team hates his guts. According to reports in Rolling Stone and The Daily Beast, multiple fascist officials have had to walk out of meetings with Elon.

Here’s what they’re saying about Elon:

“Is he on something?”

“Talking to the guy is sometimes like listening to really rusty nails on a chalkboard.”

“I have been in the same room with Elon, and he always tries to be funny,” one official confessed. “And he’s not funny. Like, at all.”

“He makes these jokes and little asides and smiles and then looks almost hurt if you don’t lap up his humor. I keep using the word ‘annoying’; a lot of people who have to deal with him do.”

“Elon just thinks he’s smarter than everyone else in the room and acts like it, even when it’s clear he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”

Verily, they want him to get drug tested. He’s been known to do LSD, cocaine, Ecstasy, and mushrooms behind closed doors, the Wall Street Journal reports.

He also flaunts how high he is in public. In front of millions of people.

3. God’s Final Word

This week God sadly lost a paid subscriber for focusing on smiting stories just like this one. They said:

Neither am I, generally. I do make exceptions for the guy who paid $277 million to get the antichrist elected again. Clutch thy pearls if thou must, but God has always had an excellent sense of humor.

Lo, I say unto you: do not pity guys like Elon Musk. HOW could anyone pity him?! He’s the richest person alive…and the most obnoxious! And now the fascists Trump team members have to put up with him nonstop.

Excuse me, but God finds that hilarious.

4. Join The Rebellion

In just three months, we’ve grown from 73,000 to 133,000 subscribers. That’s 60,000 new wonderful angels who refuse to stay silent. Every day, more people are joining this rebellion.

But here’s the thing—only a small percentage of readers actually support this work financially. If even a few more stepped up, we could expand our reach, expose more corruption, and push back harder against these fascist goons.

"We the people are pissed and God's words are what we need, and have always needed, in these dire times. We must stand together, or hang separately." - Dave

So if you’ve been waiting for a sign, this is it. This isn’t just a newsletter anymore. It’s a movement. And it’s growing fast. Join God’s rebellion today:

Now go forth, spread the memes, and remember: laughter is holy, but fixing the system is divine.

Love,

God