Wait, I Thought I Controlled The Weather?
Dear Humans,
Lo, Republicans super-geniuses like Kevin Sorbo now think Democrats are controlling the weather. Hurricanes, tornadoes, floods—according to them it’s all part of some liberal plot to "throw this election.”
Really? I thought I was the one in charge! Isn’t this GOD’S thing?
What happened to blaming me for natural disasters?
Did I get replaced by a political party?!
Pick a Lane, People
You know what’s funny? When a storm hits a blue state, Republicans are quick to say, ‘God is punishing those woke libs and gays!’
But as soon as a hurricane slams into a red state, suddenly it’s, ‘OMG, the Democrats are controlling the weather!’ Make up your minds! Am I punishing you, or did Nancy Pelosi unlock the secret to hurricanes?
WHICH ONE IS IT, DAMMIT?!
Read Your Bible, Maybe?
And let me clear up something right now: I hath NOT messed with the weather since that whole Noah incident.
Remember? Big flood, ark full of animals, and then the rainbow? That was me saying, ‘Okay, no more weather-based punishments.’ You’d think people would remember that part. But no. It’s like they believe whatever they want to believe.
Humans Are the Problem, Not Me
But if you really want to blame someone for the wild weather, it’s not me, and it’s definitely not the Democrats. The article I saw today was full of people claiming Democrats were 'weaponizing hurricanes,' and one post had a fake video of FEMA sabotaging relief efforts. Elon Musk tried to joke that no one believed that Democrats were controlling the weather and his acolytes turned on him.
Wait…so Democrats control the weather…but God can defeat them if you pray enough? If that’s true, why did I let Michelle Obama create a hurricane in the first place??
I hate to break it to you, pumpkin, but it’s humans messing up the climate, not a political party. The climate keeps changing, but humans never do. The planet’s getting older, but humans keep doing the same dumb stuff.
It’s Time to Own Your Mess
So no, I’m not punishing anyone with hurricanes, and no, Democrats aren’t secretly running the weather. You humans are in charge of this mess now. Maybe it’s time to stop blaming everyone else and start fixing the climate disaster you’ve created. Just a thought.
Love,
God
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HERE IT IS, YOUR MOMENT OF BLISS
You would think that if we had that kind of power, one of those hurricanes here lately would have hit Mar-A-Lago
Schrödinger's God :
Both controlling the weather and not controlling the weather at the same time
Unless the Democrats have the same power of God? Does that make the Dems gods?! 🤔