Why Donald Must Dump JD Vance

By Satan

Dear Donald,

You owe me one after I saved your life a few weeks ago.

We need to talk about JD Vance, my guy. It’s been one week, and all anyone is talking about is that he humped his couch in college! I’m the Prince of Lies, and even I’ve lost control of this one. Everyone believes it’s true because he’s so frigging weird; he just seems like the type. Nobody likes this guy.

I know it would be hard to dump JD Vance, because you just picked him last week, but come on, Donny, you’ve done far worse. Your supporters won’t care! They love you, Donny! Plus, you can just say, “The Dems did it so I can too.” Just think about it, bro.

You have the chance to do the funniest thing possible: dump Vance by post on TruthSocial. Do it, Donald! DO IT, MY GUY!