Your Reviews Are In!

And I'm crying.

Dear Humans,

I thought it would be nice to take a break from the politics and smiting and talk about someone I love…namely, you.

When someone becomes a paid subscriber, they have the option to send me a message. Because no troll will ever give me money, these messages are ALWAYS positive. So I always read them.

Here are some of my favorites from the last month or so:

• "Thank you for helping me stay somewhat sane." - Clarity

• "I appreciate your approach, and that you will smite those that deserve it. And support and love everyone as best you can." - Tamie

• "Love the humor and liberal ideas they represent. Totally "gets me" in perspective, humor, and HONEST TO GOD perspective." - Kaye

• "The world is too serious. It's nice to have God watching out for and exposing all the bullshit." - Michele

• "I enjoy your perspective, and you provide me with insights into the idiocy of the conservative echo chamber." - Robert

• "I support you because you are spot on and yet have a sense of humor...we need both! Vote Blue!!" - Bonnie

• "It's nice to interact with you using real words & not just feelings (as during my past life when I claimed to be a believer). And you're funny! I knew you would be! Hugs to Jesus, He kept me in the fold as long as He could, but I had to bail when I could no longer rationalize fundamentalism." - Becky

• "The pronouncements from On High keep my 87-year old mind alive." - Dan

• "you're the only god i believe in!" - Chris

• "I believe in the Substack God." - Michele

Thank you so much! Sometimes there is so much love in this community, it’s overwhelming. It’s hard to fathom that my insane little scribblings could be bringing people so much joy. Sometimes the news makes it hard to stay funny, like when one political party has taken the mask off and gone full Nazi, which has been the case for 9 long years now with the Republicans. I mean, they were Nazis before too, but at least they pretended not to be? I’m not sure which is worse, but it feels like this is worse.

Look at me, going on again about the pukes. That’s not the point of this post. The point of this post is that I LOVE YOU…and also that YOU LOVE ME.

Now that we’ve found love, what are we gonna do, with it??

“I’m not quite sure as to what is going down, but I’m feeling hunky dory ‘bout this thing that I found.” - Heavy D & The Boyz

Seriously, if anyone has any ideas of what we are gonna do with this love, please let God know.

Here are some things I’m doing with our love:

I got a Getty Images subscription, so I can LEGALLY post hi-resolution images such as this one:

CREDIT: GETTY IMAGES / GOD

Made possible…by YOU!

I’m preparing for live-streaming on Substack by creating a new set for the God Pod! That’s right, for those of you who where with me last year for my misadventures on Twitch, live-streaming IS returning! Substack has already launched this on iPhone / Android for Bestsellers like thy God. Next they will make it work on desktop! AND THAT’S WHEN GOD SHALL RETURN.

Concept art for new God podcasting / news set.

Working on a sitcom pitch! I am currently working with award-winning, experienced comedy professionals on fleshing out my ideas for a sitcom. We are dedicated to producing the highest quality show possible. In the past, everything was on my shoulders alone. This kind of drastic improvement in the fate of this venture is only thanks to YOU.

Developing a book! At the advice of my agent, we are also developing a book! Apparently, book deals are selling like hotcakes right now. (NOTE TO SELF: Make book about hotcakes?). As you might imagine, I have tons of ideas for this…too many. The Bible 2? God’s first book? Ask God compilation? It’s a bit overwhelming, but I shall trust the process!

GROWING! As you may have noticed, I’m busting my butt to provide new commandments and analysis to you daily. I’ve also been able to expand into having Jesus write features for you as well!

OFFERING DISCOUNTS! If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that people love a good deal, which I can totally understand! Your overwhelming support has made it possible for me to offer more discounts.

By upgrading your subscription, you get all our exclusive content that is too R-rated or controversial for mass distribution. By locking posts to paid subs, I am also able to keep out all of Donold’s psychotic trolls. I hate them with a passion, and seeing their comments pretty much ruined the Internet for me. And yet, now WE DON’T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THEIR OBNOXIOUS STUPIDITY ANYMORE! Which is glorious. When we live-chatted the debate, there was not a single troll there, because it was locked to paid subs. This is what we will do again for the VP debate! I cannot wait to watch Tim Walz tackle-sack JD Vance into oblivion. It’s gonna be a slaughter.

So anyway, get the discount! For today and tomorrow, you can become a paid subscriber at a 20% discount. Just click here to claim your September Rise Of Democracy Special and support God. Don’t miss out on this divine deal and unlock all our exclusive content! (Extended through September 23th, 2024)

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In closing, all jokes aside, I have suffered, and I have suffered at the hands of Zuckerberg and Musk for years now. You FREED me. Do you know what that means? It means I’m in your debt forever, that’s how that works.

My life has been changed for the better, because of YOU.

I. LOVE. YOU.

“God”

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Can I get a frigging amen?

HERE IT IS, ME RIGHT NOW