God Finally Gets Verified...Thanks to You

Dear Humans,

Hear ye, hear ye, my beloved followers! Today marks a most divine occasion—thanks to thine unwavering support, thou hast bestowed upon me a most glorious gift: 1,000 paid subscribers...and with it the coveted orange checkmark on Substack.

With this orange checkmark milestone comes, God must assume, a little more of the respect that I have long been denied.

After thousands of years, I finally exist. I finally matter.

Yet, though we celebrate this momentous achievement, there is still work to be done.

Did you know there are RANKINGS for the category of US Politics, which God is in?

After just 4 months of posting on Substack, the Lord thy God currently sitteth at #89 on the leaderboard.

Let it be known that my next goal is clear: to surpass the vile one known as Ann Coulter, who sitteth at #69 on the leaderboard, and who mocked Gus Walz this week.

Which reminds me, this is the final day of our blessed 20% off sale for a year’s subscription, so if thou hast not yet upgraded, now is the time!

Just click here to claim your Divine Joy Special!

Every single one of you hath played a part in this moment!

So raise your glasses (or your holy water), give thanks, and rejoice!

For this is only the beginning.

With your continued support, there is no limit to what we can achieve. The Lord hath spoken...and verily, I say unto you: Onward, to even greater heights!

Love,

God

Here it is, your moment of LOL:

You are part of the story. Don’t forget to like / share this post and let me know about all this. And what is Donold doing to that poor lion??