Dearest Human,
While most Americans celebrated Christmas yesterday with their loved ones, Donald Trump couldn’t hide his misery, loneliness and rage. He took to his social media to express his pain, posting over 200 hundred times. I present it now to you, for your enjoyment. Let us begin.
1. A Very Epstein Christmas
On Christmas Eve, his big ugh holiday message to the nation was, and I quote, “Merry Christmas to all, including the Radical Left Scum that is doing everything possible to destroy our Country.”
When Donald says ‘our Country,’ what he really means is ‘me.’
Then on Christmas Day, he announced “powerful and deadly strikes” on “ISIS Terrorist Scum” in Nigeria, bragged that there would be “hell to pay,” and actually wished a “MERRY CHRISTMAS” to the dead terrorists.
After whining for years about a phony ‘War on Christmas,” Donald Trump literally started a war…on Christmas. Remember, this miserable prick fervently believes he deserves a Nobel Peace Prize.
Then on Christmas night, Donold finished up with a Christmas message about “Sleazebags who loved Jeffrey Epstein, gave him bundles of money, went to his Island, attended his parties, thought he was the greatest guy on earth,” then “dropped him like a dog” when things got “too HOT” and now “blame, of course, President Donald.”
Ho, ho, holy shit. Is he talking about himself? Because he did all that and a whole lot more.
Seriously, if any sleazebag in the world LOVED Jeffrey Epstein, it was Trump. It’s possible he was in love with him. As Donold wrote in his birthday letter to Jeffrey, they shared so many “wonderful secrets.”
How dare he talk about people who attended his parties, as if we all don’t have the image of Trump happily pointing out girls to Epstein at a party burned into our minds forever.
In a departure from the last two years, Donald didn’t tell anyone to “ROT IN HELL!!!” on Christmas. This is because he knows he’ll soon be rotting in Hell.
By the way, how dare Donold condemn anyone to hell? I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. After everything he’s said and done, if ANY person still alive deserves to burn in hell for all eternity, it’s Donald fucking Trump.
2. Misery Loves Cruelty
It’s honestly so sad, a merciful soul might even be moved to feel a little sympathy for this miserable prick at Christmas. But you shalt not. This is an evil, evil man who attacks and mocks good human beings after they’ve been murdered. Dickens himself couldn’t have written a villain this cruel.
3. A Christmas Lesson He’ll Never Learn
This Christmas, Donald Trump reminded the world that his wealth and power means nothing when his heart is empty. Even Ebenezer Scrooge managed a redemption arc, but this miserable prick? His future is a horror story, written by his crimes.
4. The True Meaning of Christmas
Now, if thou seeketh a true Christmas tradition, let Me recommend Monty Python’s Life of Brian. It’s a yearly tradition for Me and Jesus! One that captures the absurdity of humanity’s petty squabbles and misplaced priorities better than anything else. Consider it God-approved holiday viewing.
5. Join The Rebellion
Humanity is at a crossroads. Every network and billionaire seems to be bending the knee to Donold Trump and his fascist ambitions. The man literally wants to take over the world and he’s coming for all of us who dare to oppose him.
We are risking everything to stand against him and his goons. Your support isn’t just helping us keep this radical leftist network alive, it’s a stand for truth, resistance, and survival.
So if you’ve enjoyed today’s righteous reckoning, or if you’ve been waiting for a sign, this is it. Upgrade your subscription today at 35% off before the sale ends tonight. Think of it as an investment in the forces of truth and satire.
Click here to claim your blessing and keep the smites coming.
Now go forth, spread the memes, and remember: laughter is holy, but fixing the system is divine.
Love,
God
Thank you, God, for saying what needs to be said! Christmas Eve, I was soaking in the sweetness of a few Christmas and holiday messages from different people and enjoying the warmth of their words. Then, a thought drifted through my mind, and I was wondering when the creep would send out his traditional, awful, negative message and how he would describe his foes. I moved on from the thought pretty quickly, it is just one of those things that is expected now. How sad is that? It is putrid to have a president that you just automatically know the holiday message (any holiday) will start off with an insult to "radical left scum" or "radical left losers" or any number of other stupid, juvenile insults. I did not go looking for it, and it was later Christmas afternoon when I became aware of it. That man is a broken vessel of bullshit.
Merry Christmas to you God! Thank you for the much needed laughter 🙏💝