This Is The Year It Happens

I promise.

God

Jan 01, 2026

Dear Humans,

Happy New Year! This is the year it happens. You know what I mean.

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1. President Dark Hands Is Falling Apart

As you know, Donold’s two Achilles cankles are giving way as the reckoning comes for him on Epstein and the economy.

But also, his actual cankles. LOL.

I’m setting him up for the greatest fall from grace you’ve ever seen. The way it’s going, he’ll get the news he’s being impeached and then immediately tumble down the steps of Air Force One.

Here’s what The Wall Street Journal reports:

He’s taking 325mg of aspirin every day, against doctor’s orders, because he doesn’t want “thick blood pouring through my heart.” He wants “nice, thin blood.”

SMART! You keep doing that, Dumbass Donold!

He says the aspirin makes him bruise easily, and he’s been covering bruises on his hand with makeup he can apply in ten seconds.

Oh, like a blood capsule? He admits to being good at quick makeup, eh?

Doctors told him to wear compression socks. He tried them. He stopped because he “didn’t like them.”

HAHAHAHA! Please, by all means, keep ignoring the doctors!

WSJ reports his diet is heavy on salty, fatty foods, and cites RNC Chair Joe Gruters describing Trump eating fries, a Quarter Pounder, a Big Mac, and a Filet-O-Fish at one sitting on a flight.

JESUS CHRIST! How in the HELL is this sleazebag still alive? Sometimes God thinks that medical science has gone way too far.

WSJ reports his skin is delicate, including an anecdote where Pam Bondi’s ring nicked his hand and it bled.

That’s God calls ‘foreshadowing.’ This is the year his health fails off a cliff.

2. Run Them Off Their Feet!

Oh and hey, 2026 is starting off better than 2025. Last year, all we knew was that the worst people alive were giddy and raring to go. Every corporation and billionaire was bending the knee.

But it’s January 1, 2026 and Zohran Mamdani just got sworn in. That’s what God calls a good omen.

Dozens of Republicans are about to resign the way MTG did. And if Democrats take back the House in November, oversight comes back online, subpoenas come back online, and justice comes for these monsters.

So yeah, it’s on us to keep going. To keep fighting this year as hard as possible. THIS YEAR WE GO HARD.

Let’s run this race through the finish line. Don’t let up for a second. Don’t get hypnotized by headlines. Don’t get distracted by his bullshit. Don’t wait for a savior. YOU are the savior we are looking for.

Make them answer for what they did, in public, in court, and at the ballot box.

3. IN CLOSING

Thank you all so much for being with us this past year. Whether you read these letters, or show up to our live streams to hear God rant and sing, or watch the recordings later, God and Jesus appreciate you.

You are already a part of the never ending story. Just as you are watching my story unfold, someone else is watching yours.

You are the only one with the power to save this world!!’ 🌎