WALZAMANIA!

Check out what pure joy looks like

Dear Humans,

Yesterday was absolutely wondrous. I feel as though I’m walking on air, and not merely because I reside in Heaven. The forces of joy and laughter have the forces of sadness and misery quite worried.

Kamala Harris held a rally in Philadelphia, where she introduced her Vice-Presidential running mate Tim Walz, and lo, holy moly, in case thou didst miss it, the vibes were truly divine.

Listen, God is a comedian. I know comedy, ok? I’ve kind of been at it a long time. And this Tim Walz guy is funny as fuck.

If you watch nothing else, watch how he lands this couch joke on JD Vance. Watch Kamala, beaming behind him, for she knoweth she made the right pick.

As you might imagine, the forces of evil did not take the pick of Tim Walz very well. Donold didst immediately proclaim that Tim would unleash “Hell on Earth.” Which is crazy, because that’s Donold’s specialty.

Hell on Earth? The only thing making life on Earth hellish are people like Donold Chump.

Gov. Tim Walz to CNN last month on his record: "What a monster! Kids are eating and having full bellies so they can go learn and women are making their own healthcare decisions."

Tim Walz would be the worst VP in history, Donold? Really? Worst VP in history? Worse than the guy thou tried to have killed?

Donold also attacked Coach Tim for wanting to expand voting rights for former felons. Which is ironic, because Donold is a convicted felon awaiting sentencing.

Oh Donold; To everything there is a time, and the time for your weird reign of terror is at an end, thou vilest of villains.

Donald is worried. Could it be because Tim Walz radiates positive energy and is beloved by children and animals? Nothing scares these sad weirdos more than the laughter and joy of good people like Kamala and Tim.

WARNING: Good vibes ahead!

This is Tim Walz signing a bill to give schoolchildren free lunches and a good education. This is not AI.

Oh also, Tim Walz is an excellent governor.

Joy and good vibes are cool again, humans. (They’ve always been cool)

Okay, that last one wasn’t that positive, but what dost thou expect me to do, not share it? It’s the simple truth. And while we’re doing joy and laughter… maybe it’s also time to let the truth have its day. Joy, laughter, hope, truth…they all go well together.

The forces of evil seem positively terrified. As well they should be.

Nothing scares fascists more than a history teacher.

Nothing scares a criminal more than a prosecutor.

Nothing scares a bully more than someone willing to stand up to them without fear.

Donold was so confused by the sight of his impending defeat that he began to write fan fiction about a possible return of Biden.

NOTE: This is not a joke. This is not made-up. This is real.

What are the chances, Donold? They’re zero, you fucking idiot.

HAHAHAHA HOLY SHIT!

Donold is utterly losing whatever remained of his heavily fractured mind. TRULY, thou dost love to see it.

Here it is, thy moment of Zen.

When you are well and truly fucked.

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